This is in fact the most expensive pair of shoes I own! Ha. However, what made my little heart swelled with emotions apart from this bubble gum smelling shoes was the handwritten notecard that says,
''Congrats on taking this big step! I'm so proud of you. Just know you are one of the bravest people I know. I know this is just one of the many big things you will be doing with your dreams. To many more big steps, and now you can do that with pretty shoes. :p I love you! Take flight and follow your dreams'' - ❤ Eva.
You might be wondering; why would getting a booth at the flea market seems like such a big thing for me? No, my friend is not exaggerating. It may seem like a simple task for just anyone but certainly not for someone with social anxiety. The need to speak with so many strangers in one day is close to asking me to jump into a sea full of sharks. Of course I'm not saying my customers are sharks but you get my point.
I've always thought I have an exceptionally 'shy' personality, that's it. But now as I reflect on my past, I recall being misunderstood all the time. 'Arrogant', 'aloof' or 'anti-social' are just some of the labels people have used on me. Truth is, deep beneath that cool mask was a very fearful and insecure girl. I would get totally stressed up when I meet new people or get very nervous when strangers stop me on the street to ask for direction. In fact, I never knew there is a term call 'social anxiety' until recently when I came across this article, 'Anxiety No More' written by Paul David. As I read through his story, I felt he was totally writing about me! At one part, he said,
''I would also avoid eye contact and just wanted to escape. Because of this I started avoiding people and I was perceived as ignorant more than once. I don't blame people for this perception of me and as far as I was concerned that was far better than having to go and talk to others. I just found it so difficult to hold a conversation and I never felt part of it.''
As odd as it may sound to you, this is exactly what I'm going through. I felt such a huge relief to know I'm not alone. I guess my low self-esteem and already existing anxiety issue must have contributed to this. If you suspect anyone who could be suffering from social anxiety or other anxiety issues, it would really help to read up about what they're going through. Your support and encouragement would mean alot to them.
I may still be struggling from racing heart, shortness of breath and sleeping difficulty every single day or more symptoms every other day, but I'm really grateful to have some wonderful friends and a very supportive boyfriend on my journey. On my part, I promise to take baby steps at a time to overcome those fears. :)
Thank you again for reading.
❤ Xoxo, Rheea.
